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I Married a Nerd: A Crash Course in Nerdism for the Non Nerd

I Married a Nerd - Richmond Moms Blog

When my husband and I started dating…

I assumed his video game tournaments, card games, role-playing game nights, and overall emotional investment in characters that did not exist would fade away as he “matured.” I was WRONG (about the fading and the maturing…). 

I love my husband dearly, and he has many incredible qualities as a husband and father but he is 100% Nerd.

We often joke that had we met in high school, we would never have started dating. I played three sports, had a 4.0, and spoke 4 languages. He was in drama, made fart jokes, and spent more time with Princess Zelda then I think he did with any REAL girls.

I guess I should’ve known that I was in trouble when, for our first date, he took me to see Alien vs. Predator. But after a year of dating I realized the cold hard fact:

I was in love with a NERD.

You have to know the basics of the nerd world in order to have any success in a relationship with a nerd so here is my crash course for what I’ve learned:

  1. Star Wars and Star Trek are VERY different things. They get angry when you mix these two things up (and when you mention Jar Jar Binks). 
  2. When anyone asks “What’s the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?” The correct response is “African or European?”
  3. When someone asks what the meaning of life is, your response should be “42.”
  4. You are either team Luigi or team Mario. There is no both. 
  5. Zelda is NOT the guy dressed in green running around chasing chickens. His name is Link. Zelda is the Princess he wastes time rescuing only to be friend-zoned repeatedly. #notworthit
  6. “Tapping” means turning a card sideways in the card game, Magic.
  7. Dungeons and Dragons is a game where grown adults gather around and spend hours designing make-believe characters and then spend more hours pretending to be in a make-believe world as their make-believe characters in make-believe situations dictated by the chief make-believer (the “dungeon master”). P.S. I don’t care if you’re a master in some make-believe world. When your 11-month-old has a dirty diaper, your Warduke butt better get up and change her. 
  8. Your nerd might ask you to spend $2,000 on a computer because it doesn’t have a quad processor which makes their role-playing game slightly slower and the graphics less quality. This is important life-changing stuff for a nerd.
  9. Acronyms and Slang you should be aware of:
    1. RPG: Role-Playing Game
    2. AFK: Away from the Keyboard
    3. MMO: Massive Multiplayer Online 
    4. MMORPG: Yep you guessed it Massive Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game
    5. IRL: In Real Life (they need to be reminded)
    6. FTW: For the Win
    7. Noob: a newbie or rookie to the game
    8. XP: Experience points
    9. Lag: the game running slower than normal (hence why we need the $2,000 computer)
    10. FPS: First-person shooter

Click here for like a million other useless acronyms if you care to translate. 

IMHO, being married to a nerd is sometimes exhausting and frustrating, but he is also my world and I would not change him one bit (okay that might be a slight lie).

I hope that this helps you communicate better with the nerd in your life. And if all else fails, throw on your headset, grab a joystick, and join the game! Player 2 joining party…

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