I was so nervous about my first date with my now husband that I was practically sick to my stomach all day.
We were supposed to have dinner, but I knew there was no way I could eat anything, and I didn’t want to be That Girl who goes out to dinner and doesn’t eat anything. After very helpfully suggesting, “Don’t barf,” my best friend advised suggesting a venue change instead of just canceling. That way, he wouldn’t think I was flaking out on him.
Considering that he’s now my husband, it’s safe to say that the first date (over coffee) went really well. It’s also safe to say that he is now well aware that food is one of my love languages.
This latest “don’t barf” was different.
This one wasn’t from the text conversation with Best Friend the day of my first date with my husband. This one was from the text conversation with Best Friend the day I was meeting a potential new mom friend.
You’re familiar with this, right? There is anxiety over what to wear, what to talk about, what the humidity is doing to your hair, what to order, and where to meet. It’s incredibly similar to the things that run through your head before a date.
Making friends as an adult is hard.
Let me clarify that: making friends that you can call when you’ve had an awful day and just need a margarita and some queso with someone who isn’t your husband is hard. It can be especially hard when, if you’re like me, you can think of at least five people who would be up for a margarita and queso–except they live 1,400 miles away. That’s a lousy, lonely place to be when you’ve already had an awful day. Add the isolation that comes with motherhood on top of that, and you’re in a sad place.
So, I got the very helpful “don’t barf” advice from my best friend. I walked into the restaurant to meet my new friend, and we proceeded to talk non-stop for more than 2 hours. Our husbands have met, our kids have met, and it gives me so much joy to see my 18-month-old playing with her kids.
I would love to tell you there’s an easy way to make friends as an adult (and then I would become a multi-millionaire). But I haven’t found it. All I can say is that, like dating, you just have to give it time and persistence. So hang in there, momma! Your friends are out there!